Punters by Robin Laing Recorded by Robin Laing The starter fired his gun to commence the rollicking fun There was pushing and poking and pulling and punting Great big guys groaning and grunting You've never seen anything quite so banal As the punters punting on the Union canal There were two participant punts Performing and pulling off stunts But the guys in the boaties were little Don Quixotes Standing in a punt, trying to confront The others with a dunt, or a sneaky wee shunt The first punt started so well, shot along like a bat out of hell But the guy at the back felt his grip go slack And the poor old soul slipped down his pole Landed in the drink and did an eskimo roll The second punt bumped to the front And the crew gave a jubilant grunt But the captain to be blunt was a cretinous runt And his boat mis-steered, it was weird how it veered And everybody cheered when the bugger disappeared And the silence of the setting was drowned By the sound for miles around And an unimpressed swan gave a cynical yawn And the drakes and the ducks all agreed that punting sucks And the rats and the voles ran back into their holes for some parecetamols Recorded on : Walking in Time - Robin Laing, Greentrax Records CDTRAX 072 (1994)