The Interview for the Post of Chief Executive Officer for the Canal & River Trust © Arthur Marshall (2020) Come in Mr Parry, won't you please sit down Thank you very much for coming into town You've applied for a job with the Canal and River Trust Now what would you like to say to us? Well I know quite lot about trains You know I know an awful lot about trains Mind the gap, keep your luggage off the floor Don't block the engine, keep clear of the doors I know an awful lot about trains I know an awful lot about trains Thank you Mr Parry for coming to see us here We can see this is quite a change of career The canals are old with a lot of little quirks How much do you know about how the system works? Well I know quite lot about trains I know an awful lot about trains Mind the gap, keep your luggage off the floor Don't block the engine, keep clear of the doors You know I know an awful lot about trains I know an awful lot about trains Paid 200 grand a year You'll top up my pension fund never fear The expenses are generous the bonuses are fatter And after all that's what matters When the locks collapse we just put tape all around When the reservoirs break we evacuate the town There's an emergency stoppage every other day But I'll go on TV and I know just the thing to say I'll say I know quite lot about trains I know an awful lot about trains Mind the gap, keep your luggage off the floor Don't block the engine, keep clear of the doors I know an awful lot about trains I know an awful lot about trains Mind the gap, keep your luggage off the floor Don't block the engine, keep clear of the doors I know an awful lot about trains I know an awful lot about trains My thanks go to Arthur Marshall for permission to use these lyrics and video. Arthur's web-site can be found here. Arthur comments : A celebration in song of the occasion when, after a successful career with London Underground and Hull Railways, a gentleman applied to take charge of the UK Canal network. Subsequent to this event, bridges collapsed, dams broke, locks fell to pieces, the towpath collapsed and the resultant breach flooded farms and the occasional town. Cyclists ran down pedestrians, boats stuck to the un-dredged bottom. Even those usually cheery souls, the fishermen, don't appear to be whistling a happy tune any more as they squat on lock landings or water points...