Bottom Blacking is Boring! by Ian H Bruce (2008) I steer a steel boat on the system Above water things look rather fine But I know that beneath tranquil water My boat is being ravaged by time The hull it is slowly corroding It’s thinner than this time last year The anodes they look rather feeble It’s time for more blacking I fear Chorus : But bottom blacking is boring From the stem to the stern and then back I lose count of the coats that I’ve put on It’s black upon black upon black I awake to the sound of the mallards Pecking algae from where it has grown On the hull just below muddy water Where the bitumen paint has long gone (gown) They delight in a snack nice and tasty But their morning alarm annoys me That weed is due for removal Bottom blacking it just has to be Chorus I’ve just passed a boat partly sunken I deduce it has water inside And I wonder just how it has got there Was it rainfall or slow rising tide? Was its bottom frequently blackened? Was the progress of rust held at bay? Or did water and oxygen conquer The steelwork which stood in their way? Chorus Hull thickness was tested just last Monday The surveyor he charged me a bomb He scraped off some paint for inspection Then removed all my cash with aplomb The charts of numerical thickness Arrived in the post yesterday They paint such a depressing picture Of a hull with ‘significant’ decay Chorus I must get out the paint brush and roller Spray away mud, rust, algae and slime Then apply several coats of comastic And just pray that I’ve done it in time Chorus “As any boat owner who blacks the bottom of his boat will know, it is not the most inspiring activity. This song was written whilst I was experiencing the most boring in-service training session imaginable ('death by PowerPoint') - even bottom-blacking would have been preferable. - Ian H Bruce Recorded on :
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